In Philippine history...
the name Benjamin Santos has already made a mark.
My ancestor just came a bit late.
He should have discovered the Philippines instead of Magellan.
Attack! Fight, my brothers!
Come on, my family! My family! My family!
Ouch! Ouch!
Every generation, I have an ancestor who fights for the nation.
Even during the Spanish occupation...
Long live the Katipunan!
Long live!
Bring out your tax certificates!
Let's all tear them together!
Where's your tax certificate?
I don't have one.
There. What's this?
That's not a tax certificate. Don't mind that.
What's that?
It's a list of lottery bets. Want to place a bet?
Seven-fourteen.
Seven-fourteen. How about you?
One-one.
What's one-one?
Is that the one followed by two-two and three-three?
I'll have eight and thirty-two.
- Wait, I don't have a pen. - What?
What's this, a blood compact?
I need to do this to write down your bets.
What's yours?
- Thirty-two, thirty-two. - Thirty-two, thirty-two.
- Eleven-thirteen. - Eleven-thirteen.
Especially during the Japanese occupation...
Quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack!
The only thing is, my grandpa didn't die in the War.
This one fell asleep While Waiting for the Japanese soldiers.
- He never Woke up again. - Wake up! Wake up!
Every generation of our family should have a Benjamin Santos.
I don't know if my clan doesn't know much names...
or if they really are fans of the name Benjamin Santos.
And I Wasn't an exception.
- What are you doing? - I'm just playing.
This is for you.
I want you to play with this. I want you to follow my footsteps.
So that you'd also be a soldier someday...
okay?
Let's see you do a march.
All right, shoulders up.
Forward, march.
One, two. One, two.
You' re so stubborn!
Brother, take back what you said.
Forgive me.
But I'm not happy with being a soldier.
You're the eldest.
The honor of this family will not end with you!
Five centuries. Five centuries!
For every war that this country has faced...
there's always been a Benjamin Santos who fought!
I want to be a scientist.
You fool!
You're so selfish!
Isn't that what's most important in life? To be happy?
If I'm going to die anyway...
I want to die doing the thing I love doing.
Get out!
Get out of my house!
And don't expect a single cent from me!
Get out!
I don't know if I'm going to thank God that my father got hit.
Because of that, not only did my father become free...
but also my identity.
Sweetheart, I know you're very busy...
so I just brought you some food.
I thought you already forgot about being a soldier.
Why are you holding a gun?
This isn't a gun that fires bullets. This is different.
This is the answer to Stop Violence Movement.
So we can defeat the criminals.
What's this called?
It's called... the farting gas.
If this were fired on you...
aside from the stench that it will create, you will--
Lilibeth! Lilibeth!
Mom! Mom! Why did you leave us so soon?
Dad, why did you kill Mom?
What about us?
Son, your mom is alive. She's just sleeping.
Why does it smell bad?
- Your dress looks nice on you. - Yes father. Mom made this for me.
Let's go, dad! Let's bury mom upstairs.
Okay, children. Ready.
Five, six, seven, eight! Energy! Go!
Okay, run upfront, go!
Okay, give me a severe smile over there!
Concentrate! Concentrate!
Okay energy kids, energy!
Okay, don't forget to smile.
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. Okay!
Energy!
Hey! Hey! Turn around!
The chorus is coming up, come on!
Side, side, clap.
Side, side, side, clap, turn around!
Five, six, seven, eight. All right, a round of applause.
Very good.
Hep, hep, hep, hep, hep.
Why dad?
Don't touch those. They' re not safe.
- How come? This is just a fan. - That's dangerous.
If you spread out that fan...
more than a hundred bullets will come out to attack the enemy.
Really? Let's try it.
Don't play with it. I'm telling you.
How would I know if it's really true?
Just trust me.
This one's also beautiful. Like a crown.
- I can now join the beauty pageant. - That's not for pageants.
Excuse me, does Benjamin VII live here?
Yes, he's my dad. Come in.
Dad, you have visitors. They say they' re your relatives.
- My relatives? - Yes.
Brother!
Brother.
Ben 10?
Ben 10.
Ben 10?
How are you? What brings you here?
Father is finally home and it's his birthday on Saturday.
There's a big party.
I don't think I can go.
You're not invited anyway.
So why did you come here?
Actually, my mom lives around the area so we thought of passing by.
But for the good of our family, you have to attend Father's birthday.
Okay, we'll go ahead now because we still have to go somewhere.
Wait, here's my son...
it's okay, Father.
I don't think they' re interested to know me.
Who are they?
Your Uncle Benlo and his wife Lisa.
I heard it's Grandpa's birthday.
We shouldn't go. Let's just live in peace.
Let's forget about the past.
It's time to party party.
Thank you all for coming to my seventy-fifth birthday.
As they say, 75 is the passing grade.
I know you can't wait any longer. Enjoy the party!
Mom.
Dad... Happy birthday.
Ben?
Yes.
My son.
How are you?
I'm good.
Your family?
This is Lilibeth.
Dad.
Lilibeth.
And who is this?
My second child, Jessamin.
- Happy birthday. - Jessamin.
And my youngest, Angiemin.
You really named them after our name?
Yes.
Where's Benjie? Is he married now?
Not yet. Father, he prepared something for you.
Aha.
So where is Benjie? Is he that one holding the bamboo?
- No Father. He's that one in the center. - Where?
Where?
Oh, that one holding a bamboo over there?
No Father.
He's that one dancing at the center. That one!
That one with the crown?
- Yes. - But that's a woman!
That's Benjie now.
Yahoo! My son!
- Welcome home, popsie! - You fag!
- Dad! - Brother!
Father! Stop it, father! Stop it.
You tolerated this!
You are a disgrace to this family!
You're a shame!
You have no right to use the name Benjamin Santos!
Father, whoever he is, he is my son!
But he's a plague to the society!
So when you're gay, you're a plague right away?
Can't you be a misfortune first?
Respect him, not as part of this family, but as a human being.
You're the only man left who can continue our lineage of brave men!
Brother, you know we can't have children.
Why did you allow him to become gay?
Hey, first and foremost, why is it my fault that you are sterile?
Second, I have no plans of following your footsteps of violence.
When your name is Benjamin Santos...
you have no other choice but to be a soldier?
What do you want?
To be a model. That okay?
Get out! Get out!
Don't you come back here ever again!
After punching me, you think I'm so excited to go back?
Wait, I have something more to say.
If you're ashamed that my name is Benjamin Santos...
well, I'm all the more ashamed!
Because the blood of close-minded people is living in my veins.
You're all liver and gizzard. You have no heart!
Remember this.
There will come a time that this homosexual...
This homosexual will give honor to this family name!
I'm going to guest in Oprah!
And in Ellen!
I'm going to join Showtime!
Lord, please strike that gay guy with lightning...
- that he be erased in this world! - It's not raining!
Your faces are still long from what happened.
Forget it.
Brother's face has always been long.
That's natural.
Can you find me something that I can slap on her face?
Just understand your grandfather. He's old already.
Ever since, he's already been like that.
That's why my love for him is just put into waste.
My respect! My care for him!
Even my costume! And my dance number!
That's not wasted, son.
Because you're doing it again now, in front of us.
I don't have the energy for it Dad.
- Aching, ching, ching, ching. - I said I don't like to.
Aching, ching, ching, ching.
Mom, no.
Aching, ching, ching, ching.
- Aching, ching, ching, ching. - You're all silly.
- I said I don't want to. - Aching, ching, ching, ching...
I said I don't want to dance.
- I'm feeling bad. - Aching, ching, ching, ching...
Aching, ching, ching, ching...
it's your turn, dad.
- Aching, ching, ching, ching... - Aching, ching, ching, ching...
Hi!
To your left, now! To your right, now!
Shake your hips, shake your hips, shake your hips.
Let me guess your grades in Good Manners and Right Conduct. Zero?
And what's your grade with your grandfather?
You gossipers!
How did you know that? That's a family secret.
In Twitter.
Facebook.
Youtube.
Multiply.
Friendster.
In TV Patrol.
In the tabloids.
In The World Tonight.
In Showtime!
Great. You have nothing else to do?
Why don't you try to look for a job so you guys can be less of a failure?
Why don't you try being a man so that you won't be disowned by your family?
There will come a time that not only my family will look up to me.
But all of you.
Because you'd be hanged on a post?
- Hanged on a post! - Hanged on a post!
- Step inside! - Here! Here!
We' re putting powder on his chest!
We'd make him our baby!
Go!
Get down, now!
Don't move! Duck, now!
Go with us if you don't want us to kill your general.
Get in!
- Duck! Sit down! Sit! - Yes, we won't fight with you.
Duck! Duck!
Oh, my God.
- What's happening? - You know I'm afraid of the dark.
- Brownout? - No. it's sunrise.
Of course, it's brownout. We lost electricity.
- Neighbors! Neighbors! - Something exploded?
We have a generator right?
- What's happening outside? - It's dark.
- Did you hear it in the radio? - Keep quiet!
Ben, turn on the generator.
Wait.
What are they saying? Let's listen to them.
They have electricity!
- Let's go there, guys. - Let us in!
Turn on the TV.
Listen to everything I'm going to say.
I am Abe Sayep...
second in command of Bandidos International.
We have occupied the entire Philippines.
We have already taken captive the twelve generals of this country.
This even beats martial law
Whoever breaks our rules and disobeys us will die.
We're going to start with the most senior general, Benjamin Santos VI.
- Father! - Grandfather!
My father-in-law!
They've said it all.
You have to release our leader, Billy Aladdin.
If not, every minute beyond our deadline...
will mean destruction everywhere.
Is it true that the whole country is under civil war?
Are there many officials that are taken captive now?
Were they able to invade all TV stations? What's gonna happen to our country?
I am calling all civilians to help our government overcome this crisis.
Many soldiers in our military have been killed by the terrorists.
That's why we are enlisting all men in this country...
and we will train them to be soldiers.
I didn't do anything.
We are not arresting you.
I'm sure you've heard the news about what happened to this country...
and to your father Gen. Benjamin Santos VI.
And to your brothers who are now in the terrorist camp.
I heard about it from Mom.
But there's nothing I can do.
I'm not a soldier.
Our nation is under civil war, Benjie.
So every man and woman is expected by the government...
to help in this war initiated by the terrorists.
I'm one with you.
Dad, you can't. You have a lot of sickness.
You have diabetes, right?
You can't possibly inject insulin in the middle of a battle.
Can my family be excused from this?
Don't embarrass me.
Get inside the house.
I'm the father here. What I say will be done.
- Fine. Let's go. - Get in.
I should get in the gym again.
And practice firing.
It's been so long since I last held a gun.
This is my chance to show Father that I can do something...
to save him from the terrorists.
Don't worry, my son.
This is gonna be a short fight.
I'm a Filipino.
There's no battle that we can't win.
Wait, sit down.
I'd be the one to walk out.
It's better if you have the solo frame.
I'll just go to the market.
- I'm going to school now. - Me too.
I'm just going to look for the nearest funeral home here.
What are you going to do in the funeral home?
I'm going to buy food. You might want some pork blood stew.
Wait, I noticed that all of you are wearing black.
Who died?
We' re just practicing.
So it won't hurt that much.
Better that we' re ready.
So who died?
- You! - Me?
No, him, him.
I'm alive. I'm still moving!
Because of your plan to go to war, you're most likely to die there anyway.
That's why we' re getting ready as early as now.
So we won't get hysterical in case you get killed.
Don't think that we want you to die.
Maybe it's just that your family is very alert.
Stop crying.
I'm not gonna die in war.
I'm going to come home alive.
Dad, you can't join the war.
You're old. You have a lot of sickness. You have hypertension, diabetes.
You also have hemorrhoids so you won't be able to run.
And dad, you also have athlete's foot,
everytime you forget to soak your feet in salt and water.
You can't join any more.
Why? Is there any other man in this house?
If I won't join, then who would?
You?
Don't touch those. They're not safe.
Fan? That's dangerous.
If you spread out that fan...
more than a hundred bullets will come out to attack the enemy.
Good morning.
- Wake your brother up. - Dad, he's not in his room.
- He left early? - Where would he go?
His schedule with the kids is still at 1 o'clock.
Just look for him so we can eat together.
- Okay. - Let's go.
He's not here.
Wait, wait, wait. I'll call him.
The number's busy. Maybe he's talking to someone.
Yes, to you. That's his phone.
What? He left it?
Obviously, you're holding it right?
Weird. He never leaves without his phone.
He's not yet here?
Let me call him. Oh wait, this is his phone.
Dad, you have a letter. It's brother's handwriting.
Dad, mom, mom, dad, dad, mom, mom, mom.
I don't know who to talk to first.
My conscience can't take the fact that Dad is going to War.
So I'd be joining instead.
Stop the drama.
Your faces don't look so good crumpled.
Mom, dad, my sisters...
Whatever happens to me always remember, I love you all.
- Love, love, love, Benjie. - So what's the big deal?
Double time, double time.
Yes, sir!
- Are you sure it's here? - Of course.
It was still dark when I rode your tricycle.
We even reached Antipolo.
Turns out this is just walking distance from our house!
I'm sorry. I'm only human.
Wow, are you sure?
You're entering the military?
No, I'm gonna be an actress.
What are you doing there? You're gay!
Who told you I'm gay? Who told you? You have no evidence.
Why, aren't you?
I'm a man! I'm a man!
Over your dead body?
Then just come to my wake.
Wait, talk to me straight.
You can actually be a straight guy... An ugly, straight guy.
Wow, you know, you can actually be handsome, if you weren't born ugly.
Grandma, what's my middle initial?
Where's Joselito Makatagpo, Jr.?
He's just inside.
Jojo, Jojo.
What are you doing there?
Grandma, I'm scared. I don't want to be a soldier.
My horoscope says it's unlucky.
Dada, this is the solution for our daughter to become a woman.
Mama, our daughter will follow my footsteps if she becomes a soldier.
Dada, there are lots of boys there. Handsome, muscled boys.
I want to join the war.
I want to feel my being Filipino.
I want to defend our nation.
Sir, where are your parents?
Not here.
Sir.
Thank you.
Is it okay with you if I enter the military?
Thank you.
- I'm going to write here, Ma'am? - Yes, write your name.
Dad, I have an invitation.
What invitation? Just you?
We are inviting your son to join the war.
This is okay! Syria or Pakistan?
- Here in the Philippines. - I don't like local.
Mom.
If I only knew that you'd be the reason for our poverty...
we shouldn't have adopted you.
Our grocery and restaurant got bankrupt because you eat everything.
- Wait, why is your bag full? - Those are just my clothes.
Hotdog! Rice cooker with freshly cooked rice!
I'm the one who cooked it anyway.
Get out!
Sir you know, I used to be friends with McArthur.
This bolo knife is what we used.
- Are you Emerson Bonifacio Ecleo? - Yes.
You're going to war. You need to report to Camp Aguinaldo.
I can't read this. The letters are too small.
No, it's the ink that's the problem.
About face.
I'm sure you already know Why you're here.
Our military forces have almost been invaded by the terrorists.
You will be given fast-track training.
So you have to exert double...
Every one of you...
-in everything you do. - will be assigned to a group.
This is called the platoon.
You're grouped together...
- according to your IO test. - Grandma, I don't understand them.
Each platoon will have a leader.
You're going to follow everything your platoon leader says.
All of you were given papers with corresponding numbers.
Find your groupmates.
- Number one? - One, okay.
Hey, you want some bread?
- Oh, we' re lucky to be groupmates. - Great.
You' re gay right?
No way.
No way?
Nope.
Who could be our platoon leader here?
- I'm sure he's ugly. - What?
One of them, one of them.
There's our platoon leader.
- Where's platoon thirteen? - Sir! Sir! Sir!
Ouch! Hey!
You're really gay.
Next! Your turn.
Please leave some hair where I can attach my extensions.
What?
Make it shaggy style.
Am I handsome now?
- There are a lot of recruits. - Yup.
Dondi Rosales, sir.
- You want some bread? - No, thank you.
Dondi Rosales, bro.
Dondi Rosales.
Is he going to be a soldier or a politician?
I've been noticing him.
He seems low on intellect.
This is what's wrong with just recruiting.
No one is screened any more.
Right, look at you, you're gay.
What are you talking about?
You have no evidence.
I won't get attracted to men ever.
I never ever stared at men or even found them handsome.
I don't sweat over men, ever.
Fine.
Thirteen platoon alpha, good evening sir!
Here are your uniforms.
Your military manuals are inside.
Read it carefully. Understood?
Sir, yes sir!
Study this carefully. Pass this around.
This love gives me so much joy.
I Wish nothing will ever change.
You give life to my dreams.
Now you love me sincerely.
Your voice is music to my ears.
You give joy to a lady who loves.
This love gives me so much joy.
Especially when you said...
I will bring you into my palace.
Until the heavens cry out of happiness.
All of these things...
Attracted to men, check.
Finds men handsome, check.
Sweating profusely over men, check.
You're really gay.
A new hero, Whose Weapon is his tears.
Have a little mercy for us.
Brother, are they going to hang you?
You're overreacting.
I miss you all.
We miss you too.
How are you? Are you okay here? Are they hurting you?
You're also overreacting.
You look at me as if I'm Mrs. Garcia's maid.
Hey, you think I already forgot how you suddenly left home...
to join the war?
I thought you're gay?
Since when did you realize you're a tomboy?
Hush, don't be loud.
They don't know here that I'm gay. They think I'm straight.
Dad, why do you have to overreact like that?
I'm only doing this for grandpa.
I'm hoping I can save him.
For the country.
You know that already, dad.
May the good Lord guide you.
Take care. We love you so much.
Always use my inventions.
They won't forsake you.
It's like I'm with you.
Always remember that even without all these...
I am already proud of you.
I love you, son.
I love you too, dad.
Oh, I haven't prayed yet.
Yeah, you're not gay. You're a woman.
Just because I'm praying, it makes me gay?
Silly, why are you wearing a bra?
Bad trip, my tank top shrank.
- Maybe this is yours. - Come on.
I was wearing a tank top.
Admit it.
It's out in the open. You're gay!
Stop calling me gay or I'll kiss you.
Gay, gay, gay!
I said stop calling me... I'm really going to kiss you.
Gay, homo, fag, queer, pink...
You just want me to kiss you.
I know you can't.
Don't be too noisy. You know gays are not allowed here, right?
Why are you pretending?
If I won't do this...
my father will be forced to take my place.
Because there's no other man in our family.
That can't happen, my dad is sick.
I don't want him to die because he's the only person who accepted me...
for who I am.
Why don't you try sending your life story to MMK?
It's very dramatic.
Okay, it's just our secret.
Thank you, best friend.
Okay, okay.
In one condition. When you're with me, stop pretending to be straight.
It makes me vomit.
Okay, let's just sleep then. Your bra.
- Oh wait, what's Ma'am Charo's address? - Go to sleep!
Sir, yes sir!
Ready to perform. Set hip rappel, sir!
Go!
Okay, next.
Hail Mary, full of grace.
Santos, what is happening?
Faster! Move! Move!
What are you doing there?
We' re on the next course already!
Why is it not dying?
Maybe it's not hit by the bullets.
They'll see.
What are you doing?
Enough.
It doesn't want to die, right? So I knocked it down.
Sir! Yes, sir!
- Why didn't you hit him? - Why should I? They' re our allies.
- They' re the police. - Why are you firing?
Isn't this exercise called firing?
Face left.
Face right.
That stinks!
Come on.
This is very easy. You can do it. Look.
He didn't even hold the rope.
- Are you okay, soldier? - Sir, yes, sir!
You didn't shoot anything.
You don't know how to hold a gun. It's like this.
Like this, okay?
This should be hard.
See?
Go!
I can't swim.
Come on.
Benjie!
Bring him here!
Slowly.
Who among you here knows mouth-to-mouth resuscitation?
Do it, sir.
- Benjie! - Okay.
- Hey! What are you doing? - I can shoot you more than them!
Take that off!
- I can't hurt them! - What do you mean?
I love them.
- You're really gay, anytime of the day! - Do it.
Okay.
- Stop it! Stop it! - Ouch, ouch!
- You're overreacting! - Enough! I love them!
You love them all of a sudden?
- You're very lucky. - Why?
- You were given a mouth to mouth. - By whom?
- Brando? - Yes.
Quick!
Faster! Catch up!
Oh, he fainted!
Mouth to mouth again, sir!
One thirty walking down the street. One thirty walking down the street.
Ranger takes a little trip.
Platoon alpha phi papi! Formation!
Bunch of losers!
Go home!
Double time!
Drop down and give me fifty push-ups now.
Sir, why?
You're complaining?
Sir, we didn't jog because we didn't want to get tired...
and now you're asking us to do push-ups?
One hundred push-ups now!
Avery simple task and you can't do it.
Especially you, Santos.
You even came from a military family.
Find an inspiration.
Now it's empty. I can now take a bath.
No one's here.
I'll freshen up first.
How does this work?
- Oh, I'm getting wet, wet, wet. - You're wet?
Oh sir, yes. Uhm, the shower. What are you doing here?
Taking a bath.
How come I didn't see you when I came in?
I was washing my feet. What's your problem?
What?
- There's no water here. - What?
- Let me use your shower. - What?
Your shower.
Oh!
You're gifted.
You wouldn't expect less from a horse.
Thirteen Platoon Alpha Phi, good evening Sir!
Good evening.
I know you're all tired from training.
But I'm here to tell you that based on your performance...
It looks like not even one of you will qualify as a soldier.
Especially you...
Jose Remiscal.
Emerson Ecleo.
Buhawi Manay.
Dominador Rosales.
Lucresia Alcantara.
Big Boy Carnate.
And you, Benjamin Santos VIII.
Wow, I wasn't called.
You' re Dominador, stupid.
Oh yeah.
Thank you very much, sir.
Can I pack my stuff now?
Sir, wait. We did everything we could!
And sir, we weren't even complaining.
Why would you dissolve our unit?
Sir, give us another five years, sir.
You'll see us all improve.
Don't keep your hopes up.
By then, like cancer, the condition would be terminal.
Sir, is it possible that I just stay here?
You can make me your cook, as long as the food is free.
I did everything I could.
But the choice wasn't just all up to me.
Some of you will have their assignments.
Some of you will go home.
Dismiss!
Thank God. Grandma, I'm going home.
Don't be sad.
If tomorrow's eviction day, there'd be a wild card.
We can still go back.
Shut up.
Why? I thought I was making sense.
This couldn't be.
All my efforts couldn't just be put into Waste.
Gays are known fighters.
Jojo.
- What? - Let's follow Benjamin.
Wake up.
Ouch!
- What's happening? - Wake up! Quick!
Wake up. Let's all run after Benjamin.
Just come out. I know you guys have been following me.
Quick!
How did you know we were following you?
I got here first, then you came right after.
Obviously, you're following me.
Oh.
Where are you going?
There, there, that's why I'm walking this way.
Oh.
Any more questions?
Are you afraid I'd make you look stupid?
Who wants to look stupid?
You, apparently. You were the next to ask a question.
Oh.
Will you answer our questions straight or should I tell them something?
I was just kidding. I was on my way to the obstacle course.
What are you going to do there?
I'd pay scrabble, alone.
Oh.
I know what you're going to do!
You'd go there to prove that you won't quit.
That you can do everything they'd ask you to do.
That you'd endure everything.
If you knew it very well then why didn't you tell them...
so they wouldn't keep asking me?
Oh.
So what are we waiting for?
For you to lose weight.
Oh.
What?
Oh.
Are you not going to follow me?
That's why we' re all here.
Oh.
Guys, we can't. It's blocked.
You have to try this.
If you want to stay here, you have to try this. All of these.
You go first.
Can you really do it?
It's better there. Let's go there.
No, let's stay here.
- Here. - It's better there!
- Here. - Here.
Let's go.
I don't like playing with guns!
Then why did you become a soldier?
My dad invented some gadgets.
In case I'd go into battle, I'm going to use them.
Fine, just do as I say. Go there, and fix those targets.
That's what I'd like to do.
Let's fire our targets while Benjie is there.
Are you sure? We might kill him.
Then we have to fire well so we won't kill him.
Because if he's not there...
you guys would all be careless in your firing.
Ready, fire!
Hold your fire!
- Watch out for my bullets! - I'm so good!
Yahoo!
Santos!
Training's finished. What are you still doing here?
Just practicing some more, sir.
Very good.
I hope your perseverance rubs off to your groupmates.
My groupmates are actually good, sir.
You just have to push them some more.
Their bodies are really strong.
I thought we'd be the first group to be sent out.
Good thing you doubled your effort.
If you only trusted us earlier.
Why did you suddenly get motivated to train?
Who's your inspiration?
You.
- Me? - Yes, you.
I mean, our very good leader, sir.
It's such a shame to be weak with you around.
Thank you Benjamin. Keep up the good work.
What are you doing?
My body is sore. A massage would help, sir.
- I'm your officer. - Sorry, sir.
Do you want a massage?
There, in my barracks.
I'll take care of you.
Yes, sir.
- Benj. - Sir.
Don't call me, sir. We' re not in the field anyway.
Call me Brando.
Sir, I mean, Brando, what are we doing here?
You said your body is aching.
And you want a massage.
I'd take care of you, okay?
Sit there.
It's happening here.
Sir, I mean, Brando, someone might come in.
They' re all sleeping.
Tired from training.
This will be our secret, okay?
Don't worry.
I might get apprehended if you tell anyone about this.
Don't worry. I can keep secrets, Brando. I know a lot of secrets.
I know that Dagul is a dwarf but I don't tell anyone.
- Very good. - That's okay.
Let's cut to the chase. Take off your clothes.
Take off my clothes?
Don't tell me you still want me to undress you?
No, I can do it.
I can do it.
You're still a virgin, huh?
- Buck naked? - Buck naked.
- I'm naked. - Now lie down.
Lie down?
- Virgin, huh? - Stop teasing me.
Stephanie.
I told you I'd take care of you.
- Is that him? - Go.
What are you doing?
Benjie, stop it!
Don't you want her to massage you?
Why her?
Who were you expecting? Me?
We' re both men!
- Stephanie, take care of my kid. - Don't worry. I got him.
She's good.
I know you're still a virgin but don't be afraid.
Just attack!
Get out or I'll fire all these guns at you!
- Don't you find me sexy? - Don't you find yourself disgusting?
Maybe you're gay?
Any man would rather be gay than taste you. Yuck.
- What's your name? - Steph.
It doesn't suit you. You should be named Barney.
Fag!
Today, we will test the skills and strength of each and every one.
Platoon thirteen alpha versus platoon one bravo company.
Let's start the fight.
Go!
Pull some more! Pull!
- Where have you been? - I was so hungry.
Give us some hand.
Help us.
Those losers made us eat dust once again.
Too bad.
When my dad knows this, I'm dead.
He keeps telling me, "This is my guy."
I think something is wrong.
We've been training so hard but we keep losing.
That's right.
Haven't you been noticing Santos?
- Why? - Couldn't you smell him?
He seems gay.
Gay? Then why did he enter the military?
Is there a gay guy who's actually good at drills?
I have a plan. We'll know it by tonight.
Let's go, let's go.
So here's the Rookie of the Year.
Come, join us.
We can't drink here.
We can't drink if you're going to report us.
Are you going to report us?
Just join us so you wouldn't have to report.
I'm feeling a bit itchy here. Can you scratch it?
- Where, here? - Lower.
Here? No, no. I really won't drink.
Are you serious?
The most skilled soldier says no to a round of alcohol?
Don't' worry.
- This is the drink of real men. - Yes!
Unless you're not.
There! Yes!
Enough. Enough.
Sit down.
- Drink some more! - More! More!
Straight, straight, straight! Go! Go! Go!
Wait, wait. Am I the only one drinking here?
No, we've already been drinking when you arrived.
I don't damage my liver and lungs like you do.
Why don't you check our lungs if they are really damaged?
Can you check mine, too?
How are my lungs?
Turn up the music, please.
Well, I've been dreaming to be an X-ray technician.
But at this time, I think all I want to do is dance.
Next time, make sure you know what you're doing when you're drunk.
I know. Stop it with the sermon.
Can I have some token?
Why?
I'm going to drop some to these men so we can pass by.
Wait! Excuse me.
Move over.
What?
*Everyone squeezes*
Is there an epidemic here?
Why don't you go straight to the clinic and ask for medicine?
Oh yeah, maybe they'd have some medicine for fags.
So we can get rid of the homos.
What? You still don't have any clue?
Why don't you go to the clinic...
and ask for a drug that will bring back your memory?
Let's go.
Sir.
Carry on.
Is there a problem?
Do you know this soldier?
They said it's from your platoon.
That' s Santos.
Do you know his real gender?
You already know what should be done.
Sir, yes, sir.
Believe me.
Is that him?
Why are they all looking at us?
Why are they looking at us like that?
Who else would they be talking about?
Probably me. Because I'm a threat to them.
Not in my physical abilities, but in my IQ.
Right, knowing their IQ scores.
Wait a minute.
You know what Benjie, I think they' re talking about you.
What happened last night?
Nothing.
I'm going to beat you up.
I was so drunk I can't remember any more.
Santos, follow me.
Where are we going, ma'am?
In the office of the highest general.
Sir.
I know that you know why I called for you.
I have no idea, sir.
- Are you sure? - No idea, sir.
Can you give me a clue?
Starts with the letter S.
S? it's so hard.
Sir, what S?
What's that?
You still don't get it?
Here.
Still don't get it?
Mahal, Katrina and Ethel Booba all have this in common.
TV show? Movie? I really don't know.
Sir, with all due respect...
it's really hard to force someone who's pretending to let out the truth.
So maybe we can tell it to him through a blind item.
Now a blind item?
Who is this soldier who's apparently gay?
Who was featured in this sex video?
Who?
You!
Prove to us that you're not gay.
They got me drunk.
Even if you're drunk, if you're man, you're a man.
I'm sorry Private Benjamin Santos.
There's no place for gays here in the camp.
Before the sun shines tomorrow, make sure you've left.
- You're contagious. - Wait sir, I admit I'm gay.
But also admit the fact that my sexual orientation...
has nothing to do with my being a soldier.
I'm a good soldier!
I can do something to fight the terrorists!
Brando, Brando, are you mad at me?
Let's talk.
There's nothing to talk about any more Benjie.
I trusted you Benjamin. But you betrayed me.
- You saw all of me. Turned out... - I'm gay.
Why? Did I ask you to take a bath with me?
Did I tell you to embrace me while teaching me how to fire a gun?
When you drowned and I gave you a mouth-to-mouth, did you plan that?
That's how cheap you look at us gays?
It's not that. You should've just been yourself.
If I told you I'm gay, would you have accepted me here?
You Wouldn't, right?
If I told you Brando I'm gay, will you respect my skills?
You won't, right?
I had to pretend.
I had to hide who I really am.
I had to fool you all,
so I can save my family.
Is that wrong?
You know Benjamin, you're a good soldier.
But I'm sorry. This isn't for me to decide.
My towel, where's my towel?
Wow, you of all have the guts to hide?
Remember this.
Even if you guys are the last men on earth...
I wouldn't even touch you.
You react as if you're so handsome.
Are you a flower pot?
Why?
You're as brown as the earth.
What's going to happen to you?
I'm going home. Gays are not allowed here.
That's it?
There are a lot of people here who have their own imperfections.
You know Dumbo, I mean Big Boy, being gay is not an imperfection.
It's not a disease that would heal after you pray over it.
Yes, but haven't you proven that you're a reliable soldier?
Now who's going to save your relatives from those terrorists?
Why not you?
It's really like that.
This society isn't ready for special people like me.
Why don't we tell everyone that it's just a rumor?
Many gays there don't admit it anyway.
No, brother Benjie.
You're not the loser here.
I've always known you're gay.
But that's okay. That's you.
- How did you know? - My dad told me.
- I thought you're dad's dead? - Yes. Long ago.
Why?
Don't be afraid.
Wait, wait.
It's like this, okay? I have a third eye.
I can speak with the dead, with earthly creatures, okay?
I don't believe you have a third eye. You only have two eyes.
Now you're gone.
Enough. Enough with that.
If you're gay, and if you have a third eye...
I have something to admit...
I.m
A coward!
You noticed?
So what?
No.
Brother Benjie, if you're leaving, I'm leaving too.
There'd be no sense any more.
- Me too. - Me too.
Me too.
Thank you.
But you don't have to come with me.
I don't want them to think that...
I'm already gay and I even had the guts to start a labor union.
If you're leaving, we are too.
- Yes. - I'm coming too.
Ouch!
Your shank is too heavy!
My arm got broken.
Bro, bro, they' re here.
That's a real man.
A man looking for another man.
He's straight.
He's straightly gay.
I'm just going to bid them goodbye.
I haven't said goodbye to them.
Go ahead.
Hey! He might kiss you!
Run! Run!
Yahoo!
Let's go.
Enough.
Where are we?
Are you sure the shortcut is here?
Seems like we've been walking for so long now.
Looks like at the end of this, we'd be in the moon already.
You're overreacting.
How are we going to reach the moon when we' re not even in a spaceship?
- Wow. - So smart.
Who said the shortcut is this way?
Who else but me?
Let's stop and spend the night here.
Wait.
Alien?
Wait, is there no ghost here or a white lady?
Buhawi, what does your third eye say?
Nothing.
There's just a tree demon and a demon horse.
He's actually right beside you.
All of these are my father's inventions.
That fan, don't make the mistake of opening it...
if you don't want to get toasted.
That tiara can actually kill a hundred people.
Especially that fart gun that you're holding.
My mom slept for an entire week after getting fired by that.
This is great. At least, we now have a protection against our enemies.
What do we do now?
Let's go home? That's fine with me.
What else can we do?
We've already left the camp.
I will never go home.
I'm going to find that terrorist base.
I'm going to attack them.
And save my grandpa.
You know what, that's great.
But you have to swallow your magical stone first...
and pretend to be a superhero.
She's a superhero?
There's a gay superhero?
Yes, we' re going to ride on his back then we'd fly.
Wow, that' s great.
He's a superhero and yet he looks like a monster.
You' re really stupid.
Maybe I can prove to this guy that I have powers.
Don't show it to him at this time.
Tell them that if they don't release Billy Aladdin,
we will decapitate the generals.
Whatever you do, even if you decapitate us,
and play with our heads like bowling balls,
the government will never release your leader Billy Aladdin.
I suggest you surrender now.
You're all going to die when the military finally attacks.
Bind these men!
Wait, I'm not yet finished with my food.
You General, aren't you going to eat?
I don't eat pig food.
Dad!
I really miss my family.
But I have to save my father's family.
I want to prove to everyone that I'm not dumb.
I'm just slow.
But I am useful to others.
I really love my adoptive parents.
They might be gay and lesbian but I have so much respect for them.
I want to give them honor.
If I get famous for saving the whole nation...
I hope the food that they give me...
is also as big as the nation.
And I won't get hungry forever.
I might have a blurry vision but my goal in life is very clear.
I want peace on earth.
That's why I want to eradicate those terrorists.
My parents have already passed away.
So before they enter the light, I want them to be proud of me.
I will face all my fears.
I will defend the nation for the sake of my future wife and children.
- I am... - I am already sleepy. Let's sleep.
Fine. Let's just resume tomorrow.
- Hey! - Why Benjie?
Did you hear that?
There are vehicles coming.
Let's ride with them.
Come on! Let's go!
Careful.
They' re terrorists.
Let's follow them.
I'm sure they' re going to the terrorists' base...
where they are hiding my grandpa.
I saw them with Colonel!
Who's Colonel?
Hilda.
Who's Hilda?
Hilda Koronel.
This is where they are hiding.
Who knew it's this near? It's walking distance from the camp.
What are we waiting for? Let's attack!
You go on your own!
We'd be going back to the camp to tell them.
Let's go back!
Let's go.
- Why did you come back? - Where's General?
Why? You're inviting him to a gay bar?
- Yes, with your fathers. Join us? - Silly.
- Ouch! - I'm warning you, three eggs!
General, this is the info we got.
General.
- Benjie, why are you here? - You don't belong here any more, Santos.
General, this is very important.
We already know where the terrorists' base is.
Are you sure they' re terrorists?
And not hair colorists?
Quiet, quiet.
How did you see them?
We closed our eyes.
You want me to kick you out?
Just kidding. We followed them, then we saw where they were hiding.
So we know the location of the base.
Are you sure?
- Yes, but not the exact address. - But we can do a sketch for you, sir.
Right sir, we can bring you there.
Sir, the street signs are just blurry but we passed by the forest.
- It might be Mt. Taal. - Yes.
You' re not sure?
This is the information we gathered.
The terrorists' base is in Tanay.
Believe us this time.
That could be a base but not the original base.
Sir, you might be holding a pirated copy.
Sir, maybe it's possible for us to check to verify their information.
That's right.
Sir, we've already been fooled by them. Maybe they just want revenge.
You're the one who looks like a fool.
You're a big guy and you have big breasts.
No, no, no.
General abnormal, you might know a bit more than us.
But what we' re saying is true.
Please believe us.
No, no.
I don't want to waste time.
We' re going to Tanay, right?
Right, sir. You're right.
Silly people.
Hey!
- Sir, sir, sir. - Quit it.
If they don't want to believe us, then let's attack ourselves.
My clan is there. I need to save them.
- Wait Benjie, we' re only eight! - That's right.
Believe me.
Oh.
Let's go.
- Faster. - Really?
Maybe Santos is right.
- We may get ambushed here. - No, no.
Get in, get in. Go, go!
Let's go!
Grenade!!!
Get up! Up!
This is the fastest way for us to get to the base.
- Are you ready? - We' re ready!
Okay, ready. One, two, three, go!
- You can do this alone, okay? - I'll catch up.
I can do this. For the country.
I will walk. For the country.
Ouch.
- Faster, faster. - Where's Benjie?
Are we just going to wait here?
We have to wait for the perfect timing.
- Brando is now their captive. - Excuse me, first name basis?
Mind your business. We' re close.
Benjie, looks like we won't be able to get in.
There are too many of them inside.
We won't get in because we look so manly.
We have to change.
Let's go.
Hi boys.
How did you get in here?
We' re still outside, obviously.
Don't play with me.
Just open the gate so we can really get in.
No.
Oh, too bad. We just want to party party.
It's been so long since we last saw boys.
I'm sure it's been a while since you also saw women.
- So let us in. - Is that a woman?
- If they don't want us, then let's go. - Let's go.
Too bad.
You won't be able to see our fair, beautiful skin.
Too bad you won't taste my freshness.
That woman looks bad. Never mind.
That would do. Move over.
Let's go.
They' re too many.
- We can't beat them. - Where's the tiara?
- Here. - Give that to me. Quick.
Let's go.
Faster!
We have to split up.
So we can save more people.
And I can finally look for my grandpa.
Let's go this way.
A ghost!
Stop! Give me your gun.
- It's all yours. Help yourself. - Damn!
Before, I used to be a horse. Now, I'm a monkey!
Come on. Try fighting with a gay spider.
You need it. Quick!
- The enemy is on the left. - On the left.
- At the back. - At the back.
- Up front. - Up front.
- On the right. - On the right.
- One more. - One more.
My dad's really good, right?
Yes.
Stop.
Wait, wait.
Wonderwoman.
Come on. Try chasing me, Tarzans.
These ugly freaks asking for my hand in marriage.
Oh you want to flirt with me? Come on. Chase after me!
Commander. Commander, there's their leader!
- Are you sure? - Yes.
Where is he?
- So you're Commander Abe Sayep. - Yes.
You're the one who kidnapped my grandpa, my uncle and Brando, my love?
Yes.
Damn you! Damn you! Why did you do this to me?
How can you do this? I trusted you! I trusted you!
You made me believe that every color and every hue...
is represented by me and you.
What are you talking about? Are you joking around?
Yes, this is a comedy movie.
You seem handsome.
- Oh my God. - I have no more bullets.
- What do we do now? - Let's pretend we still have bullets.
- We still have bullets. - Come on, fire away!
Hey look, you have an award.
And the winner is...
Congratulations.
Big Boy!
Brando.
- Who are you? - Grandpa.
Who are you?
- I'm Benjie. - Santos.
- Benjie. - Brando.
How did you get here?
Were there additional reinforcements?
No, grandpa.
It was just eight of us who cartwheeled our way here.
We used the gadgets that Dad invented.
I feel so ashamed that it had to be you who would rescue us.
If you don't want to feel ashamed, you can stay here. Joke!
Let's go, grandpa.
Thank you, grandson.
I'm sorry.
Sir, sorry but I have to cut the drama. We have to get out of here.
If you're just eight, we can't escape the hundreds of terrorists here.
Don't worry. Only three are left.
Let's go, grandpa.
I'm so sweaty, I want to retouch.
Benjie, Benjie!
Benjie, hey! Benjie! We' re here, sir.
Benjie!
Sir, I'm so glad you're alive.
Thanks to Benjie.
You were given a second life. I hope you treat Benjie better.
If it weren't for him...
your head might have been rolling here somewhere.
Let's party party! This war made me hungry!
Hungry again.
Grandpa, I hope you can finally accept who I am.
And give your blessing on me and Brando so we can arrange our wedding.
I have nothing against your love.
Problem is, does Brando want you?
Grandpa...
Benjie! Benjie!
Help him.
Call an ambulance! Quick!
Grandpa, grandpa, grandpa.
Brando, hello.
It's so smoky here! Are they celebrating the new year here?
Benjie, my grandson.
Grandpa? We look alike.
Why didn't I see you in the reunion?
Oh.
Because we have long been dead.
Oh my God!
I can see dead people. I have sixth sense. No!
Don't you pretend like you're so afraid!
You won't be able to see us if you're not dead too.
Really?
How would that happen?
I was just fighting the terrorists and then my grandpa...
was killed and then I was...
What? Oh my God!
- I'm dead! - Don't worry. it's not yet your time.
You can't die yet. You're the star of this comedy movie.
Then what is this intermission for?
We just want to tell you as your ancestors,
we are very proud of you.
Because of all the macho men in the family...
it's you who's the most effeminate who would give us the highest honor.
What happened to Nora Aunor?
Stupid. Honor. Honor.
Oh okay. Fine.
If that's the case then thank you very much...
but I have to go back because they might start embalming my body.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Who knows how to administer CPR?
Sir, you do it please.
- Sir, please. - Me?
- Yes, administer CPR now. - Fine, fine.
Do it! Go!
Go! Go! Go!
Let me do it. You're so slow.
- I'm alive. I'm alive! - Benjie, my grandson.
So this is what they call the hero's Welcome.
What they usually do with Manny Pacquiao.
Now I know how Shamcey Supsup feels.
Me, I can be a beauty queen. But Shamcey can't be a soldier.
These neighbors say I love you Benjie as if We're really close.
But before they used to mock me.
- Benjie! Benjie! Benjie! - Benjie, we' re very proud of you.
I salute you, my hero.
Grandma.
Dad.
Brother!
Congratulations!
Here's the letter. Your grandpa has passed away.
Who would even think?
Before, they used to be losers. Plagues of the society.
I'm not really stupid. I can be useful to other people.
Now Gerald Anderson and Piolo would feel small...
compared to the popularity of my friends.
Thank you God.
I found real friends in this lifetime.
Excuse me, can I ask you something?
If I have a boyfriend? No. If you want, you can be mine.
No, I'm happy with my pet, Petra.
Just wanted to ask where Peter Mosegil is.
I have no idea and I don't care. So get out. Your horse smells!
You also look like a horse. You just don't smell.
Grandson, you might be hungry.
Let's eat, grandson.
I don't want you to have ulcer, grandson.
Grandpa, how many times have you used the word grandson today?
Don't worry. You can still use that word tomorrow.
I'm sorry, my grandson. I'm guilty of mistreating you.
Your dad.
Your whole family.
I promise. I'll make it up to you.
I'll make sure, that yesterday, today and tomorrow,
I will love all the gays in the world.
I love you gays!
- I love you so much, my grandson. - True! I love you too!
Oh yes!
Come on, gays.
I'm hungry now.
This is crazy!
Let' s eat!
Hey, how are you?
Benj, you're so famous!
I'm proud of you.
I won't be able to do all these without you.
Thank you.
Sorry for pretending.
That's okay, Benj.
I should be the one to apologize. I was close-minded.
Now, you're complete.
Your clan accepts you now.
Not just your clan, but the whole world.
Something is still missing.
What?
You.
Benjie, I'm sorry, but...
- You can't love someone like me? - No.
- Benjie, I love you as... - As a friend.
No Benj.
- What? - Like...
- Like my mother. - Wow, thank you.
My mom has already passed away, that's why.
And Benj, I already have a girlfriend. We' re getting married.
Actually, she's coming here.
- Hi babe. - Babe.
Huh?
I miss you, I'm so proud of you babe. Good thing, nothing happened to you.
Have you eaten, babe? There are a lot of guests.
Benj, this is my girlfriend, Angelica. Angelica, this is Benjie.
- Hi Benj, I miss you baby. - Wow!
If you wanted a girlfriend that looked like me, then why not me?
Because she's a real woman.
- Wow, one more, one more. - She looks like a witch.
- I miss you so much. - I love you.
- I miss you babe. - Oh my God.
What's this? Yuck!
She's really disgusting!
Stop it. There are lots of people here.
Sir, sir, sir.
Why is it Captain?
There's an urgent call from the Palace.
They' re calling all the new heroes.
There's a war in this nation in Europe.
They need those people who were able to eradicate terrorism in our country.
There's a Part 2? Woohooo!
Oh, sorry!